Posted on Thursday, 28th January 2010 by Catherine

It is hard to find anyone who has not been touched by cancer in one way or another.  I have lost my mother to breast cancer and have been on a 5 year journey with my son who has Leukemia.  I have learned a few things along the way about how to help a friend or family member who has cancer.

27 WAYS YOU CAN HELP

1. Be there for them (on the phone, in person, in e-mail)

2. Encourage them to set up a Caringbridge site to communicate information to the masses (it is easy and free)

3. Sign the guest book on Caringbridge every time you read it.  Your support and notes matter

4. Set up a meal/helper/driver/child care calendar at CareCalendar

5. Send a hand written note (even if you are local)  The endless stream of medical bills  and statements in the mailbox gets old quickly

6. When you make a meal that you can freeze make an extra one and drop it off.

7. If you say “I am praying for you” then do it – frequently

8. Pick-up a gift card or two for them (restaurants near their treatment facility, gas cards, pharmacy (Walgreens, Target, Wal-Mart), grocery stores.

9. Mow their lawn, shovel their snow and don’t tell them you did so

10. When you talk to them don’t always talk about cancer.

11. Encourage them to set up a donation account at a local bank where people who want to give them money can do so.

12. Visit them – hospitals and clinics are lonely places

13. Drop off magazines or books

14. Call and check in (believe me after a few months their phone is not ringing off the hook and you won’t be a bother)

15.  Don’t forget about spouses/parents and children,  cancer affects the entire family

16. Provide childcare as often as you can

17. Arrange to bring someone to them for haircuts, pedicures, manicures etc. Caregivers and patients need to be pampered now and again

18. Allow them to “vent” and simply say “This sucks and I am sorry” – no need to give them the “good news” all the time

19. Cry with them and for them.  Cancer is devastating and sad but after the “cry” be strong and supportive

20. Buy them a cute hat or scarf (for the ladies)

21. Get involved in a cause and help raise money and awareness on their behalf

22. If you don’t know what to say – say so; don’t say something stupid and insensitive instead of being silent

23. Hire someone to clean their house

24.  Make them a CD or play-list of great upbeat music

25. Don’t assume that because they say the don’t need anything that they really “don’t need anything“.  Be creative, people suck at asking for help.

26. Be mindful that cancer is often a life-long and life changing event.  Long after the treatment is done the side effects and financial repercussions are still very real.

27. Bring your sense of humor, laughter is after all some of the best medicine.

It is sometimes hard to support a friend or family member but doing some of the things on this list will really help them out.  Cancer can be a very long trying journey but with the support of caring people it is manageable. So put on your “supportive” shoes and reach out!

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