Posted on Monday, 8th February 2010 by Catherine
It is 10:30 pm, my son’s room is dimly lit by the bathroom light. The humming of his humidifier serves as white noise and soothes him to sleep. He will be on his back, sprawled out with his arms behind his head. He sleeps with a fleece no-sew blanket, no top sheet (too itchy).
I enter his room quality as not to wake him. Why? I am going in specifically TO wake him. I sit on the side of his race car bed and gently stroke his cheek and arm.
“Monk, it is time to wake up and take your medicine. Angel, can you wake up real quick and take your pills?”
Sometimes it takes several tries and other times he sits right up as if he were expecting me. Pulling his PJ top back and forth quickly to “cool” off he barely opens one eye. I hold the pills in the palm of my hand and offer them to him. He takes them, a small swig of water and lays back down.
“Thanks mom” he whispers
“Goodnight, I love you” I respond.
“I love you” he says as he snuggles up with his blanket and goes to sleep.
Night after night I leave his room amazed. What seven year old does that? No argument, no struggle to swallow the pills, no trouble falling back to sleep. The only thing I can figure is he is used to it. After all, the majority of nights for the past 5 years he has had to take oral chemo. It has to be given on an empty stomach at least 2 hours from any dairy products; hence the 10:30 pm time-frame. We are all “used” to it.
Could that be the reason why I am kind of anxious about tonight being his last dose of chemo? Why am I not jumping for joy? Well, because change is hard. Even if it is a good change it is hard.
Do not get me wrong I am thrilled to tears (literally) do be finishing up nearly 5 years of chemotherapy, radiation, pokes, procedures, anesthetic, heartache, nausea, bone pain, hospital stays and financial repercussion.
I am nervous to enter this new stage of life. I think being nervous is a healthy response to change. Embracing nerves and channeling them into something more productive can help when life presents us with change; especially change that we are uncomfortable with.
So what am I doing to channel my nerves? I am talking to other parents about what life is like after treatment. I am reaching out to specialists at the hospital to gain as much knowledge as I can about what to expect for Mason and our family. I am training for a 1/2 marathon (exercise is an excellent release), I am planning a HUGE party to celebrate his life which is bringing great joy to my days.
So, as we close this chapter of oral chemotherapy that has been so much a part of our life I will head upstairs one final time – wake Mason, give him his last dose and close the door to his room, closing a chapter, opening another and breathing a big huge sigh of relief. I am learning change is hard.
Good night~
This post has been linked up over at Musings Of A Housewife for her weekly “What I learned this week”
February 9th, 2010 at 5:19 am
Thinking of you, Catherine and Mighty Mason! So glad his treatment days are almost over. You'll get through this change. Think of it as the last little speed bump on a long, long road. Sending good vibes your way!
February 9th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
My prayers our with you and your family as you celebrate this new beginning! What a brave little boy you have.
February 9th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Tears filled my eyes as I read this and have been a part of this horrific journey with you and your family. Catherine- you are the definition of strength and an inspiration to all!
February 9th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
I have been amazed by Mason's courage, maturity, and resilience ever since I have known him. Your and Glenn's attitudes and presence throughout his treatments have created a sense of stability in him (and Syd and Coop) that every child should be fortunate enough to have. You all are in my thoughts and prayers – I am so happy for you.
February 9th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
In terms over this one. Change is hard and you speak so from the heart about your journey. Love and prayers to your family as you begin the next chapter.
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February 9th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Beautifully written, Catherine. Your son sounds like a brave, gentle soul. You must be so very, very proud of him.
P.S. I'm thinking about training for a 1/2 marathon too. Do you have any tips for me?
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February 9th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Oh Catherine…. you made me tear up. Thank god you're almost done!!!!! What 1/2 marathon are you doing? Despite what the orthopedic surgeon says, I think I'm going to have to start running again. Maybe we could run together? Take care and thanks for EVERYTHING!
Love, Marissa
February 9th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Tears of joy are running down my cheeks. Congratulations to you and your family. Change is hard, but this change will be easy to get used to.
February 10th, 2010 at 12:15 am
Boy, what a time you have all been through. Change is hard, but I hope the days ahead prove to be trustworthy ones that you can relax within. Thanks for such a heart felt post.
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February 10th, 2010 at 1:23 am
I can't imagine going through this. Your post made me tear up, thinking of my own precious children. Thank you for sharing so honestly.
February 10th, 2010 at 2:10 am
What a beautiful post. I am touched by this young man.
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February 10th, 2010 at 4:03 am
Speechless. Love, Vicki
February 10th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Marissa – I am doing the San Diego 1/2 in June with Team in Training. It is such a good outlet for me and I have found some amazing support there. Thanks for your prayers, thoughts and donation to the party. You are one in a million and Jenni is so lucky to have you in her court!
February 10th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Stephanie,
I am so proud of my son. Sometimes I forget to tell him. I found a good 3 day/week training plan for a 1/2 marathon I can pass on to you if you like. I think 1/2's are very doable and while you feel accomplished you are not sucked into running day in and day out like doing the full marathon~
February 10th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Wow…you are such a strong and graceful mother. Thanks for sharing your story. Praying for you all…
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February 10th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
[...] and a bit of anxiety (I am sure more is to come) about his last oral chemo. I wrote about it here. This change will be tough on us and we appreciate you trying to understand that while we are [...]
February 13th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Wow, Catherine, what a huge milestone, and I can imagine it will take some adjustment. I am so overwhelmed with happiness for you.
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February 20th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
Congratulations on making this huge milestone.
I found your blog through Kristen. The five of us are all about the Nerf party.
We just moved from Aurora, CO to Maryland last year. Looks like we could've been neighbors (or at least the mailing address for Mighty Mason).
Thinking and praying for you guys!
March 15th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
- Praying and believing this will be the end of chemo and cancer for Mason. I understand your nervousness as you go off all treatment and wait, for I was a cancer kid too. Nearly 28 years ago I was given 3 months to live, but I saw God work a miracle in my tiny body and next month I'll be celebrating my 32nd birthday. Believing the same for Mason. Remember that with God, "All things are possible!".
March 16th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
What a beautiful post and a sweet sweet child! I just read it to my son Jackson. Jackson is excited to participate in the online Nerf party for Mason!!!
March 19th, 2010 at 1:07 am
[...] the end of 5 long years of chemotherapy, seven year old Mason is ready to [...]
March 22nd, 2010 at 3:40 am
Praying for complete recovery for your son!!!!! What a beautiful writerr you are:O)
April 6th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
[...] have mentioned before that change is hard. Big changes, little changes, changes that make us uncomfortable. Even good change can be hard. [...]