It is 10:30 pm, my son’s room is dimly lit by the bathroom light.  The humming of his humidifier serves as white noise and soothes him to sleep.  He will be on his back, sprawled out with his arms behind his head.  He sleeps with a fleece no-sew blanket, no top sheet (too itchy).

I enter his room quality as not to wake him.  Why?  I am going in specifically TO wake him.  I sit on the side of his race car bed and gently stroke his cheek and arm.

“Monk, it is time to wake up and take your medicine.  Angel, can you wake up real quick and take your pills?”

Sometimes it takes several tries and other times he sits right up as if he were expecting me.  Pulling his PJ top back and forth quickly to “cool” off he barely opens one eye.  I hold the pills in the palm of my hand and offer them to him.  He takes them, a small swig of water and lays back down.

“Thanks mom” he whispers

“Goodnight, I love you” I respond.

“I love you” he says as he snuggles up with his blanket and goes to sleep.

Night after night I leave his room amazed.  What seven year old does that?  No argument, no struggle to swallow the pills, no trouble falling back to sleep.  The only thing I can figure is he is used to it.  After all, the majority of nights for the past 5 years he has had to take oral chemo.  It has to be given on an empty stomach at least 2 hours from any dairy products; hence the 10:30 pm time-frame.  We are all “used” to it.

Could that be the reason why I am kind of anxious about tonight being his last dose of chemo?  Why am I not jumping for joy?  Well, because change is hard.  Even if it is a good change it is hard.

Do not get me wrong I am thrilled to tears (literally) do be finishing up nearly 5 years of chemotherapy, radiation, pokes, procedures, anesthetic, heartache, nausea, bone pain, hospital stays and financial repercussion.

I am nervous to enter this new stage of life.  I think being nervous is a healthy response to change.  Embracing nerves and channeling them into something more productive can help when life presents us with change; especially change that we are uncomfortable with.

So what am I doing to channel my nerves?  I am talking to other parents about what life is like after treatment.  I am reaching out to specialists at the hospital to gain as much knowledge as I can about what to expect for Mason and our family.  I am training for a 1/2 marathon (exercise is an excellent release),  I am planning a HUGE party to celebrate his life which is bringing great joy to my days.

So, as we close this chapter of oral chemotherapy that has been so much a part of our life I will head upstairs one final time – wake Mason, give him his last dose and close the door to his room, closing a chapter, opening another and breathing a big huge sigh of relief.  I am learning change is hard.

Good night~

This post has been linked up over at Musings Of  A Housewife for her weekly “What I learned this week”

It is hard to find anyone who has not been touched by cancer in one way or another.  I have lost my mother to breast cancer and have been on a 5 year journey with my son who has Leukemia.  I have learned a few things along the way about how to help a friend or family member who has cancer.

27 WAYS YOU CAN HELP

1. Be there for them (on the phone, in person, in e-mail)

2. Encourage them to set up a Caringbridge site to communicate information to the masses (it is easy and free)

3. Sign the guest book on Caringbridge every time you read it.  Your support and notes matter

4. Set up a meal/helper/driver/child care calendar at CareCalendar

5. Send a hand written note (even if you are local)  The endless stream of medical bills  and statements in the mailbox gets old quickly

6. When you make a meal that you can freeze make an extra one and drop it off.

7. If you say “I am praying for you” then do it – frequently

8. Pick-up a gift card or two for them (restaurants near their treatment facility, gas cards, pharmacy (Walgreens, Target, Wal-Mart), grocery stores.

9. Mow their lawn, shovel their snow and don’t tell them you did so

10. When you talk to them don’t always talk about cancer.

11. Encourage them to set up a donation account at a local bank where people who want to give them money can do so.

12. Visit them – hospitals and clinics are lonely places

13. Drop off magazines or books

14. Call and check in (believe me after a few months their phone is not ringing off the hook and you won’t be a bother)

15.  Don’t forget about spouses/parents and children,  cancer affects the entire family

16. Provide childcare as often as you can

17. Arrange to bring someone to them for haircuts, pedicures, manicures etc. Caregivers and patients need to be pampered now and again

18. Allow them to “vent” and simply say “This sucks and I am sorry” – no need to give them the “good news” all the time

19. Cry with them and for them.  Cancer is devastating and sad but after the “cry” be strong and supportive

20. Buy them a cute hat or scarf (for the ladies)

21. Get involved in a cause and help raise money and awareness on their behalf

22. If you don’t know what to say – say so; don’t say something stupid and insensitive instead of being silent

23. Hire someone to clean their house

24.  Make them a CD or play-list of great upbeat music

25. Don’t assume that because they say the don’t need anything that they really “don’t need anything“.  Be creative, people suck at asking for help.

26. Be mindful that cancer is often a life-long and life changing event.  Long after the treatment is done the side effects and financial repercussions are still very real.

27. Bring your sense of humor, laughter is after all some of the best medicine.

It is sometimes hard to support a friend or family member but doing some of the things on this list will really help them out.  Cancer can be a very long trying journey but with the support of caring people it is manageable. So put on your “supportive” shoes and reach out!

This Mental Music Monday may make you sad – it should make you think and I hope it makes you realize how very good you have it.

There are people fighting for their lives right now.  There are people who will “meet Jesus” this week.  People will lose a mother, sister, wife, husband, child, aunt, uncle, cousin and friend.  Rejoice if you are not in that situation and remember there are people who are.  Be sensitive to those around you as they are probably struggling with some aspect of their life.  While it may not be death or illness it is still a challenging time of year that brings out lots of raw emotions.

Christmas comes every year even if we are  not ready, even if we are not in the Christmas “spirit”, and even if we don’t have extra money to give gifts.  Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Christ.  It is a time to be with family, to show our love for one another and to reflect on the past year.  When you put on your “Christmas Shoes” remember the blessings the Lord has given you and reflect on the challenges you have overcome.

Everyone’s “Christmas shoes” look different, unique and individual.  Wear them proudly this week.  If you are struggling try and find a bit of “happiness” just like the little boy in the song does.  He is so excited that his mom will get to wear new shoes when she meets Jesus.  That certainly makes you stop and think.

Happy Mental Music Monday.

May your family have a blessed week.

This is the poem that inspired my launch of the shoe analogy .  I think about his poem a lot when I am feeling sorry for myself I think about how there are many other shoes I could have to wear that might be worse.  There are days when my cancer shoes are MUCH better and other mom’s cancer shoes and sometimes worse.  You see where I am heading with this?  Who doesn’t love to talk about shoes and they can be related back to your life and what is “going on” in your life.  I will continue to relate things back to coping ideas and simplicity and perspective just with a “shoe” twist.  I have ideas galore including t-shirts (What is YOUR shoe status?), downloads from the site and some outrageous unique shoes I will soon be sporting around town.  Photos will be posted.

I would love your feedback on this concept and if you think of any ideas pass them on please!!  Walk tall in your shoes today because you can’t get today back.

Tonight I am wearing my cancer mom shoes and am writing over at my son Mason’s website where I share about his journey with childhood cancer.  Join me over there if you like~

I am sitting here at Children’s with a ton of emotions – you know me, I think one of the best therapies is to write so I will share some of my thoughts here -

Mason looks AMAZING. I can’t stop looking at him.  Nine times out of ten when I do look at him I fight back tears.  He can’t tell but when I look in the rear view mirror and see him singing away or peacefully looking out his window I am moved to tears.  What is this about?  read more

Four weeks from today I will be running my second marathon. A marathon…26.2 miles. It is sometimes hard for me to believe. Eighteen months ago I was not a “runner”. I walked, I walked a lot – I walked 60 miles in 3 days to honor my mom in her battle with breast cancer. Running however was not something I thought I could do or moreover thought I would like.

How wrong was I – turns out I love running. Right now I have been encouraged to take a break and let my body recover so that I am not injured going into San Francisco in October. I want to be “fresh” before the Nike Women’s Marathon. I am running with Team In Training (TNT) which on a side note is seriously the most amazing group of people. Walking, running, biking, hiking while raising money to find a cure for blood cancers.

Mason, my 6 year old has Leukemia (a blood cancer) and has been in treatment since May of 2005. When people ask me why I run I usually say “for my son, he is my hero and my inspiration”. During my mini sabbatical from running the past 2 weeks I have been thinking about why I run and it boils down to a lot of reasons. I am going to share with you some of the reasons “why I run” over the next 4 weeks leading up to the marathon.

Those of you who aren’t runners please don’t leave me…you may find inspiration in my story and thoughts, you may be able to relate this to something in your own life or you may just enjoy the journey.

Today, I missed running with the TNT group and attended a spinning class. During the class I kept thinking I wish I were running right now. What is it that I like about running? So today, if you asked me why I run I would have to say “because I CAN” I have the ability, desire and drive to run.

I started off 18 months ago and really was not sure what to expect. I knew however that there are tons of people who can’t run due to various injuries, illnesses and sheer lack of motivation. I can run. There is no reason why I can’t so I am going to try it.

A year and a half later I have run a marathon, two half marathons, a 10 mile race and a 10K.

I am not winning these races, I am finishing them.

I run because I can.

I can make a difference in the lives of people fighting blood cancers.

I can show my kids that you have to set goals (the marathons) and work hard to get to those goals.

I can push myself to do something I never thought I could, something only 0.13% of the worlds population has ever done.

There is a ton of power in the word “can”. I am sure that is what makes us so crazy when we hear our kids say they “can’t” right?

I can and so I do…

photo by Blue Turban Photography

CELEBRATE SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENTS ALONG THE WAY

There will probably come a time in all of our lives that we have to deal with something life changing.  It could be the loss of a job, illness, death, divorce, infertility or many other things along the spectrum.  Some people are blessed to only have to “deal” with everyday stresses that come with life.  Not to say those are not challenging because they are.

ATTITUDE IS KEY

When faced with adversity you must remain positive and have a good attitude.

I know, you have heard that before right.  Well it is true. Your brain controls your entire body and where you mind goes, your words, thoughts and actions will follow.

The thought of celebrating the small accomplishments becomes very important in your ability to “cope” with the challenge.  My 6 year old son Mason has cancer.  We have been in treatment for 4 ½ years.  We have had numerous set-backs and challenges.  I work each and every day to be positive and while it takes effort at times I can say that it has made a world of difference for our son and our family while dealing with his illness.

FOCUS ON SMALL VICTORIES

On the tough days I focus on how far he has come

These are some of the things I think about and focus on to help make accomplishing his nearly 5 years of treatment manageable –

• He has come SO far.  Only 28 weeks to go – we started at 104 weeks(after completing 2 ½ years before that)
• He has HAIR!
• So far he has been in school more days than he has been absent.
• He is getting stronger each day (even though he is much weaker than the average 6 year old)
• We have spent more time at home instead of at Children’s hospital than we did the prior 18 months.

Mason has a long road ahead of him but by celebrating the smaller milestones of his treatment and recognizing the positive things in his life we can better manage the magnitude of what lies ahead.

BREAK DOWN THE STRUGGLE

Uttering the words “I have a child with cancer” is over-whelming.  Dealing with his treatment, medicine, side-effects and schedule is overwhelming.  Breaking it down to the “good stuff” helps me see things from a different perspective.

Taking a “problem or challenge” and thinking of it in more manageable terms can be very helpful. It also forces a more  healthy perspective on the challenge.

For example, losing your job in this economy seems insurmountable.

Break it down

• Resume
• Application process
• Interview

Tackle one thing at a time and recognize that accomplishing each step is a small victory toward the end goal of getting a new job.

I am not telling you the process will be easy or fun (not much about childhood cancer is easy or fun) but I am telling you that if take the larger challenge and piece together a solution you will be less overwhelmed and in a better place mentally.  That = victory.

From where I stand Mason starting first grade is not scary or sad. I am thankful he made it through 70% of the first day.

From where I stand it is not about “who” his teacher is but THAT he has a selfless person willing to teach him.

From where I stand the first day of kindergarten for Sydnie is not sad – it is a right of passage, I embraced it.

From where I stand it is not what brand of clothes or shoes they wear to school it is that they are confident and feel like they look good.

From where I stand I don’t worry about the influence of other kids I worry about the germs they are spreading.

From where I stand each day at school is a gift not a hassle.

From where I stand Mason looks healthy but I never lose sight of the battle he is fighting each and every day.

From where I stand things are looking up.

Embrace the tiny blessings in life because from where I stand tiny blessings are what gets me through every day of childhood cancer.

While I love simple that is not to say that my life is simple – in fact it is kind-of crazy most days.  The biggest factor in my life is I have a child battling cancer.  My 7 year old was 2 1/2 when he was diagnosed with Leukemia.   That was life changing and not a simple process.  It was then that I began my journey with inspiration and coping with unexpected things in life.   People have said my writing is inspiring to me it is just my thoughts but I love that I have inspired some people.  My son inspires me every day.  He is my hero and through him I am able to inspire other people to make healthy choices during challenging times instead of reckless choices.  Coping with my son’s cancer has shown me that I am much stronger than I thought and I was blessed with the desire to cope in a productive and positive way in life.  I want to share that with others.

You don’t have to be dealing with cancer to realize that you may not be doing a good job coping with your life.  It sure is easier to make unhealthy choices (just like with food) than it is to channel your stress into doing good.  Realize that I too have to force myself to be positive, have a good attitude and keep perspective in my life.

Follow along with me on this journey as I attempt to reach as many people as I can and show them they can do it – they can overcome whatever life has placed in the way.  Please do not mistake what I am saying for “your obstacles will go away” – sometimes overcoming them means they will go away, for example if you are looking for a job and find one.  Sometimes dealing with an illness or a death you need to cope with that long term.   One of the things that gets me through both illness and death in my life is perspective.

Perspective is one of my favorite words and concepts.  It is all about how you “view” things.  Perspective is a mental view or outlook.  So often my stories and situations are perspective for other people helping them to see that their struggles may not be as bad as they could be.  We all need perspective and to be able to see things from another point of view.  It is healthy to be able to say “wow that person really has it rough” and think twice about complaining about the “rough” things in your life.  You are always entitled to complain, vent and be frustrated – these are healthy things to do but you can’t get caught up in that cycle and start feeling sorry for yourself.  That is where realizing that it (your situation) can always be worse and there are probably people dealing with a whole lot worse than you are.  I am not saying you should take joy in another persons misfortune just be mindful.  Here is an example,  my husband travels about 75% of the week.  It is hard and draining and bunches of other things that I am sure will come out sooner or later on this site.  Nearly every week I say things like “at least he HAS a job” or I think of the wives of the soldiers who have been gone for months at a time.  All of the sudden his travel seems a whole lot more manageable than the alternative.  It just takes a little brain training.

So simple, inspiring and perspective are three of my favorite topics and you will see more on them in the future.  I am glad you found the site.  If you like what you read you may like an autographed copy of my book.

Thanks for visiting and come back often as this busy mom helps people cope with the insanity of life!